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One month of holy matrimony!! We made it!

One month went by real fast. The wedding, the several receptions after, Goa!, and back to work...this is what the first month was packed with! But it was brilliant! :)

Hitched!

And it's done! I'm married! After all the craziness of finding a groom, planning the engagement, the lead up to the wedding, blah blah blah...we're hitched!

I'll find the time soon to post an elaborate list of events that highlighted the wedding in my eyes! (And I was super alert and observant! I wasn't tired, sleepy, all zoned out at all! I swear!) Just to warn you now itself, it was te longest wedding ever!!!

-- Anyhoo, life throws you surprises..good ones. They're even better when you don't know how they'll be when they come at you. The goodness grows on you and becomes greater every day. And in that lies all the happiness. :)

For the First Time

Finally V and I were going to spend an entire day together! He flew down all the way from Mumbai to meet me. I always feel like the insensitive female dog who doesn't emote, doesn't feel, doesn't express. Clearly he's the more romantic one. I beg to differ on an intrinsic level but I maintain the insensitive, detached, tough girl image on the outside.

Anyway, we had a wonderful day out! We watched a movie, coffee, shots and then dinner! It was perfect! And then of course the goodbye! Goodbyes are never good and not this time either. But it was too great a day to think about the negatives, the sad things, etc. This day was about our first date in six months. Our first movie together. Our first entire day out together. Out first tight hug. Our first round of endless conversations. Our first vodka shot together.

Sigh - marriage may not be that bad at all. And love, definitely not bad at all. You can run, you can hide, but you can't escape love. It'll find you. Somewhere. Somehow. And how can you be so sure of it? How am I so sure?

A kiss on the forehead from a man other than your Dad...forever love my friends! #Enoughsaid!

Secret Diaries Part 5 - The 'Supposed' Honeymoon Period

All the wise and not-so-wise say the time between your Engagement and Marriage is the honeymoon period. That's when you get to enjoy time with your Fiance. I say BOLLOCKS!

For starters, VJ was going to the Arabian Desert (read: Riyadh) on a project for about three months. Then, it became four months, then five, Sigh! (As I write this, he tells me he'll be back a week later than expected, which makes it Jan.)

So yes, I'm experiencing the honeymoon period - with my phone!

But all said and done, it is kinda nice, this so-called honeymoon period. The Boy and I talk almost everyday..gives us a chance to know each other better, know our strengths, weaknesses, etc. And all this over the phone. While I'm all comfortable talking to him about anything under the sun over the phone, I wonder how it'd be when I'm around him, face to face. Wonder how we'd be around each other. Would it be awkward? Weird? Sigh - so much for a honeymoon period! 

&%*$#@!

Secret Diaries Part 4 - Bands of Engagement

Where were we last time? Oh yes, I said Yes and so did he. And then things just went haywire at home.

"Nischayadhartham eppo vechikalam?" My Gran asked is hurriedness I've never seen before. She wanted to know when to have the engagement. Looking at the way she was functioning, one would think there was no tomorrow and everything would end that day. Ma and Paati (Grandmom in Tamil) were so occupied the whole day taking, making and contemplating phone calls. Everyone needed to be informed, arrangements had to be made, etc..basically my sister and I were given the royalest of royal ignoring! I mean they all talked about us, in front of us, but not to us! Annoying!

Anyway, after much back and forth, I came to hear the Engagement was set for July 14. Talk about a whirlwind engagement...it had been barely 48 hours since VJ and I had met and things were moving sooo fast! I decided not to thin about it too much and freak out about it. Thing was the parents wanted to seal the deal now that we agreed to go further. And VJ was going to be in the Middle East for a good 3-4 months from the end of the month. So..basically, the Parentals didn't want any room for delay.

Both VJ and I would've liked the engagement to be much later, but what were we to say..what say do we kids have anyway in a larger than life thing called wedding planning!

D-day was not too far. Before I knew it the 14th on July came. It didn't hit me until the morning of the 14th, on the way to VJ's place where the function was happening. Once I entered the house, everything became a haze...and pretty much remained a haze until everything was over. The families got a chance to meet, so that was great. Comfort factor was that VJ's family was much like mine...so there was a strange sense of familiarity. Anyway, the function went on really well..with every moment being captured on camera by a photographer. The whole function was over in about two hours, we had our breakfast that we all call tiffin, and headed back home. VJ and I were to spend a day together, we decided that would be the following day, because we were both beat!

We all headed back home, had lunch, and everyone parted ways. Paati, My Uncle and Aunt headed back to Delhi, while my Aunt and cousin headed to Chennai. And what did I do? I slept like there was no tomorrow, like I was dead, like a log! I slept so peacefully, that when I was up in the evening all well-rested, it struck me! I was engaged to be married soon! OMG! OMFG! But then it was not a 'Oh God! I'm screwed!' kinda realization. It was a pretty happy realization.

Secret Diaries Part 3 - Meet & Greet

July 3 - this was it! The day had come. Would I pass the acid test, and would he?!?! I was going to meet 'the boy' to see if we wanted to take this forward. I had already made up my mind, but no one needed to know that. My friends got engaged the night before at Bangalore, so I was taking an early morning flight from there to Hyd. Ma and my Uncle were flying down from Delhi to Hyd. We booked our flights in such a way, that we'd meet at the airport and head to the Guesthouse together. The itinerary for the day had been pre-set. I was going to meet the boy around 11am and we'd spend a little time together. We'd then head back to our respective places and tell our parents if we thought we should go ahead. If it was a green light, the two families would meet in the evening. So I just needed to stick to plan and take every moment as it came. Sigh!

Ma and My Uncle landed in Hyd before me. We found each other, got our bags and headed to the Guesthouse. We didn't have too much time. I had enough time to get ready and have some chai, before heading out to meet the boy. (I've decided to refer to him as 'the boy' until the end of this post - depending on my verdict of whether or not we were going to take it forward :P).

So, the boy was waiting for me at a popular mall in Hyd. We had to choose a place that was easily accessible to both of us in terms of distance and familiarity. I reached the place and gave him a call and came out to meet me. He wasn't much different than what I'd imagined. After all, I had seen a couple of pictures of him before. Also, we'd added each other on Facebook. So, there was no room for extreme surprise or shock. He looked the way I thought he would. We found a coffee place and sat to chat. It was weird for the first few minutes. Maybe finally being able to attach a live face to the voice I'd been hearing for three weeks was the reason. So most of the first few minutes was just an exchange of pleasantries while we were actually stealing looks every now and then. 

We talked about what we though of each other. We talked about where we may be post-wedding. He asked me what I thought of living with the parents and living alone. We talked about working after marriage, what my preferences were, where I wanted to be and what I wanted to do.

He struck me as easy-going, casual, fun, very easy to talk to...much like what I drew him out to be on the phone. I liked him. His smile was refreshing. So yeah - I think I'd made up my mind way before and I was right. I was very happy and relieved to know I was right. 

We didn't spend too much time..just a little over an hour, before we decided to head back to our respective places. I got back home and told Ma I was good to go with this. I called my Dad and let him know the same. We had a brilliant chat about what to do next. Then, I called my Gran, she wanted to know everything..every detail. Once that was done, Ma got a call from the boy's Dad. We were all going to meet at a restaurant in a couple of hours. So we all got ready and left for the place.

We got there and they were there too. The meeting went well. The parents were sweet and so was his sister. I think everyone was at ease. The Father was pulling the boy's leg from time to time..making sure we all laughed. It was nice, pleasant and comfortable. And it felt good to feel that way. We had our coffees and heading our own way. My Uncle, Ma and I headed to the airport, to fly back to Delhi.

We reached Delhi and Gran and my sis were filled in with the details of the day. The next day, the phone just wouldn't stop ringing! Congratulatory messages, planning for the Nischyadhartham (where the boy and girl are deemed committed to each other for marriage), etc...Everything was going in 'overdrive' mode! I wouldn't say I enjoyed it a lot. It was getting a little too much for my comfort. But I guess that's how it is. 

That night, I was lying still in bed, trying to absorb everything that had happened in the last couple of days..the turn of events, and how things may turn out to be. And then it all made sense. All the hullabaloo was just positive, happy vibes. The family was obviously extremely happy that their first daughter was going to be married soon! It was something they were all waiting for. The friends were ecstatic, because they knew how crazy the man-hunt experience was, and how much crazier it could've been. They were happy that it ended happily for me, with a wonderful person. Things started to fall in place, in my mind. I was beginning to accept the noise around me as happiness. Sigh! With that sigh of relief, happiness, uncertainty, nervousness, and a lot fo other emotions....I drifted into a peaceful zone..something I hadn't had enough of. I slept like there was no tomorrow...almost like in a coma, but a happy coma. And yes, I did wake up the next morning. (For those who were worried if it was an actual coma).

P.S - The boy's name is Vijay. Better get used to it. Going forward, it won't be 'the boy' anymore..it'll be Vijay. (I need to get used to it!)

Secret Diaries Part 2 - Found!

After many random profiles being pushed my way, and after many more straight NOs, the manhunt had come to a subtle standstill. Ma was going to be back in Zambia for a month or two and she herself, called it a break. "If anyone calls about alliances, don't let me know. I need a break from all this!" So, the manhunt was officially getting to everybody. And who was the happiest person to hear the word "break?" Yes yes, I couldn't have been happier. Things were back to normal. I felt like I had my life back! Umm, ok not really..but I was just relieved!

Things were going good. My Aunt from Chennai and her son were going to visit us for 2 weeks. It had been a long time since we spent time with them. We were all looking forward to it. Ma was so excited that she preponed her return from Zambia by a couple of weeks, so she could be here when her sister was around.

I was also having the perfect time personally. I was in Hyderabad for 3 weeks. My best friend from school was getting married in Hyd, so I extended my business trip so I could see her on her big day! It was a brilliant wedding! And my time in Hyd was wonderful - several night outs, drunken nights, good dinners, midnight chais, early morning chais under flyovers, etc. I was having the time of my life.

I got back to Delhi a couple of days after my cousin and Aunt had arrived. Ma was going to come the following week. So while my Aunt was here, she was curious to know what was happening on the manhunt front. There we go again, I thought.

I took her through some profiles. We were actually having fun looking through profiles - making fun of some :P We were being mean, but all in good humour. We came across two profiles; they seemed pretty good. One of them, we came to know, was an alliance one of my other Aunts in Hyderabad had suggested when I last when I was in Hyd. She also mentioned it to Ma, who said she'd come to India and see. So we decided to take that one forward and email the person, for more details on family, and about the boy.

So much for the short-lived break from the manhunt. Ma was back and she seemed like she never was on a break. My aunt and her just went all hammer and tongs! Horoscopes were exchanged, now I had to tell them if I liked the picture enough to talk to the guy. And I did. He was a smart looking fella, so I thought, what the heck, let me go for it and have a conversation.

It was a Sunday, my Aunt and cousin had left after a brilliant two weeks. Late afternoon, I got a call from the boy. He sounded nice, and was easy to talk to. He mostly spoke in good English and Hindi (given that he's Tamilian, it was a big deal for me). We talked about our jobs, basic stuff in life, a couple of hobbies, etc. Our conversation went on for an hour and half!! That was a chat that went beyond expectation for me in terms of time and quality. I felt like I was talking to a friend. He seemed very easy going. So it was all good for starters. On the third day of talking to the boy, he told me he had to tell me something. "I'm a guy who really enjoys his drink." "That's cool," I said. "Cool? Sure? you're cool with it?" "Sure, I am." He went on to say that he'd have a good night's sleep that night. :) Then I thought that was my moment too..."While we're on the subject, I enjoy my drink too," I said. And that was that. We went on to talk about how we could drink together. He asked me when was the last time I got sloshed, if I drank responsibly or not, etc. I was ecstatic. Not just because he drinks. No. Because it's a great deal if the person you're considering spending your entire life with is at peace with how you like to enjoy in life. And it's a greater and more beautiful deal if that person can enjoy the same way with you. We went on to talk a little over three whole weeks before we decided to meet.

July 3 - we were going to meet in Hyderabad and decide if we wanted to take it forward. Wow! Things were moving really fast. To be real honest, I was kinda convinced that this was the guy - but I didn't want to decide or even think so before meeting him once. Even he wanted to meet me in person before deciding on what to do next.

I was going to Bangalore for a friend's engagement and the very next day was going to be judgement day for me. So much for enjoying other people's happy days. This was one engagement where I was nervous beyond understanding for my own reasons. I told myself to be calm and not get worked up until the morning of July 3. So at the engagement, I drank my vodka and mojito, and other things and left the rest to the good old spirits! :)

Secret Diaries Part 1 - Manhunt begins

I'm your regular girl..25, has a good job, loving family, awesome friends, no burning issues in life..etc, etc. Very happy, go about doing my usual thing and life is beautiful!

Except, according to my Grandma - I'm (not) a regular girl because I'm 25 (unmarried, single), with a good job (what's the use of a good job), loving family (what's the point of a loving family if they can't find you a life-partner), awesome friends (what are the awesome friends doing without setting you up with someone), no burning issues in life (you need to be married by now!!).

Thus began the biggest Manhunt ever! To find a suitable groom for me! Now, being a conventional Tam-brahm, it's crazy how the family takes groom-hunting very seriously. It goes to unthought of levels. I'm not kidding! By the end of this write-up...you will either feel sorry for me, laugh at me, or do both!

So yes, the word was spread by my family to the relatives and friends.."Let us know if you know of any nice boys for my daughter." You can imagine my irritation and voluntary ignorance to this. Every girl going through this process starts of being pissed first, irritated, then tired, and then ultimately gives in and resigns to the fact that fate will outrun you at some point..so you might as well save your energy.

I was pissed and irritated. I would hate it when the topic would come up during lunch, dinner or any other time of the day. I would leave the room, discussion and just play dumb. I think my family got it, as they didn't push too hard. Then came the phase when I would reason out why I'm not ready for marriage. Further studies, "I'm too young for this," and other unconvincing were my refuge. It did work for a year and half. Not that they stalled the manhunt, but they just left me out of it. Then one day, Ma said.."You're free until Jan 2011 - we'll start looking seriously after that." So there it was...a date was sealed on my free bird days! After a year and half of marriage talk, it was a decent deal. And this is exactly what I mean by giving in and resigning to your fate! It happened to me too!

Post Jan 2011..I reached my "Ok, how bad is it going to be" stage and even dared to enter the "I think I'm ok with the idea now" stage.

I just had to say, "ok, fine..I'm ok with it." That's it...it was like the gates to a dam were opened! A huge wave of potential husband profiles were passed on to me. I talked to one even though I didn't like the profile too much. I went ahead to talk just because I thought I shouldn't judge a book by it's cover. What if he's awesome?! I'd be losing out on awesomeness if I just went by the profile and said now. So I decided to talk to the guy over phone.

Let's just say the first 3 seconds of the call convinced me to say a loud "NO" in my head. I was greeted with a "Hellooo, Haw war you doowing?" It was a typical, heavy South Indian accent..the one I feared most! I knew I couldn't make it through with the conversation, forget marriage! Our conversation lasted 20 minutes. It was civil and cordial and I told the guy I'd get back to him. I told my parents the loud "NO" that was echoing in my head. Thankfully they understood my reasons. I didn't want to marry a typical Southie...someone who's grown up anywhere else but the south (Chennai) is good for me. Not just the accent..but the ideas, thoughts, wavelength, mindset...all these things matter a great deal and if they happen to be somewhat aligned to mine, then I'm cool with taking things forward.

So with the NO conveyed, obviously my Grandma asked me loads of questions..why? how? what?..and then she made the customary remark "no one is perfect." I get that..I don't want a perfect man..I want a man I can have a decent conversation with without being repelled.

So I was back on search mode. Aside from all the madness and fun associated with the process, it's quite tiring. It's painful to go through profiles or hear about men who are absolute strangers and coax yourself to think that one of them could be your potential partner.

Eeeew!

Why did I say OK to all this again?!?!